


He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

by WhichWolfWins



Category: Arthurian Mythology & Related Fandoms, Merlin (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Humor, Blow Jobs, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Top Arthur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-04
Updated: 2012-12-04
Packaged: 2017-11-20 06:47:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/582468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhichWolfWins/pseuds/WhichWolfWins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Arthur finds that Merlin is missing from the castle, he sets out in search of his manservant. He finds him picking petals.</p><p>Now available in Russian.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Любит, не любит](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1115964) by [bitter_zephyr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitter_zephyr/pseuds/bitter_zephyr)



> This fic is in no way beta'd, so if you see any mistakes, they are my own and I would love for you to inform me of them! :)
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to Julian Jones, Jake Michie, Johnny Capps, Julian Murphy, and Shine Television, and anyone involved in the making and producing of this show. This is in no way mine; these are their toys and I am simply playing with them.

When Arthur awakes at almost noon, he is furious. He kicks his blankets off and pulls on the first clothes he can find (a pair of brown trousers and a white tunic), then goes in search of Merlin. His boots aren’t even laced as he tromps through the corridors to Gaius’ and Merlin’s chambers and he makes excessive noise in his annoyance. He bangs on the door and he hears something clatter inside before Gaius answers with his eyebrow raised, as always, looking exasperated.

“Arthur, what are you doing here? I thought you were to be going on a hunt,” the old man says, eyeing Arthur with concern. 

“Where’s Merlin?” Arthur snaps, peering past Gaius and to Merlin’s chamber door. It’s open, but he can’t see anything inside. 

“What do you mean? He didn’t wake you this morning?” There’s honest worry on the older man’s face as he meets Arthur’s eyes. 

“No, he did not, the bloody prat! I am going to put him in the stocks again and throw rotten vegetables at him myself!” Arthur is fuming by now. “If you see him, tell him I am going to kill him, will you?” 

Gaius nods and Arthur turns on his heel to stomp away to search the rest of the castle for his idiot manservant. He only pauses long enough to lace his boots before he asks the guards to tell him if they've seen Merlin. He is about to give up his search when he reaches the courtyard. He confronts one final group of guards with the question. 

“Have you seen Merlin?” he asks, feeling how Gaius looked; utterly exasperated. Merlin had a way of doing that to people. 

The youngest guard, Nichol, nods, looking guilty. “I might have seen him go into the woods just before sunrise. He had his pack and a bed roll with him.” 

The tension in Arthur’s shoulders twists tight and he swallows before giving the woods a reluctant once-over. He looks back to the guards, determined. “Ready me a horse.” 

After nearly an hour of searching the land for Merlin, Arthur comes upon a field of red and orange daisies. He guides his horse over to a small stream of water and pulls out his own deerskin to drink. He scans the field of flowers as he brings the pouch to his lips and nearly chokes when he sees a spot of blue peeking through the flowers. 

Instantly all the anger Arthur had been feeling flares up and he loops the pouch back onto his belt before stomping through the flowers toward the familiar blue. Sure enough, it’s Merlin laying in the flowers. If he’d been wearing his red tunic, Arthur would have missed his manservant in the sea of flowers, but he’s wearing his blue tunic and red scarf, and his rucksack is a pillow underneath his head. He’s curled onto his side facing away from Arthur and he’s plucking the petals off of a daisy. There’s a pile of discarded petals and another of the stems in front of him. 

Arthur’s about to kick the rucksack out from underneath Merlin's head in annoyance, but he’s stopped when the sunlight glistens on Merlin’s cheek, revealing a clean streak through the thin layer of dirt on Merlin’s face. Just then, Arthur hears a soft hitch in the other man’s breath and then Merlin sniffles, swiping the sleeve of his tunic under his nose. 

All of Arthur’s anger dissipates and he’s left unsure of what to do now that he doesn’t feel like yelling at his servant. He considers slipping away unseen, but then Merlin takes in a shuddering breath. Arthur does the only thing he can think to do and sinks onto the ground beside him. 

Merlin’s back stiffens and he releases the breath slowly. “How’d you find me?” he asks, his voice shaking a little as he speaks. 

“Nichol saw you go into the woods,” Arthur tells him around the frog in his throat. He picks one of the flowers and spins it between his fingers, glancing over to Merlin as he rolls onto his back and turns his head to look at Arthur, his wrists resting on his waist, the fingers of his right hand loosely curled around an orange daisy. “Well, go ahead. Hit me upside the head and tell me how you’re going to put me in the stocks when we get back,” he says, rolling his eyes to meet Arthur’s. 

Arthur sighs and looks away across the field. He pops the head off of the flower before reaching for another. “What are you doing out here, Merlin?” 

Merlin laughs humorlessly and faces the sky, an unseen tear tumbling down his cheek. He wipes it away with the sleeve of his tunic and huffs a laugh. “Isn’t it obvious?” 

“Yeah, but why?” Arthur asks, dangling the flower from his fingers so that the top of a red daisy kisses the top of an orange one. 

Merlin’s smile is pained as he snorts. “I’m being an utter prat,” he says, before sniffling again. 

“Well, that's new,” Arthur says sarcastically, tossing the flower at Merlin’s chest. Merlin swipes the flower off and stares up at the tumbling clouds. He can make out the shape of the stretched wings of a dragon and the plume of smoke rising from its nostrils in the fluffy white. 

“Honestly, Merlin. Your bags are packed, you’re out here crying in the middle of nowhere. Were you planning on leaving? Are you going back home to Ealdor?” Arthur asks. He’s surprised by how much the thought of Merlin leaving without saying goodbye hurts and he smothers a flower in his fist. 

More tears slip down Merlin’s face and he shakes his head, trying to force a smile and failing. His breathing is shuddery and he finally breaks, a laugh more like a sob escaping his throat. “I can’t stay in Camelot,” he says, gasping in a breath and swiping at the tears that race down his cheeks before they can escape into his hair. 

Arthur glances over at Merlin at the sound and his eyes widen. He’s never seen Merlin cry like this before. “Why not? Who said you couldn’t? I’m the king now, Merlin, I make the decisions,” Arthur says defensively, his anger flaring once more. 

Merlin laughs dryly and turns away from Arthur. He reaches for another flower and starts plucking the petals off one by one. Arthur can see silent words on Merlin’s lips and wishes he knew what it was he wasn’t saying aloud. 

“Merlin,” Arthur says, shaking the other man’s shoulder. “Talk to me.” 

Merlin sighs and pushes Arthur’s hand off of him. He’s quiet for awhile, obviously trying to decide whether or not to tell Arthur. “I love someone and they don’t love me,” Merlin says eventually. He plucks the last petal off of the flower in his hands and frowns before throwing it harshly away into the sea of orange and red. 

“Who is she?” Arthur blurts, and he frowns when he realizes he sounds almost jealous. He knows he shouldn’t be. Merlin is his man servant, his friend, and Arthur is supposed to get married so as to produce an heir to the throne. Hence his current pursuit of Guinevere. He busies himself with picking flowers to keep his hands from shaking. “How do you know she doesn’t love you?” 

“He,” Merlin says, meeting Arthur’s eyes, looking defiant as if he’s challenging Arthur to say something. 

“What?” 

“She is not a she. He is a he. He doesn’t love me.” 

Arthur stares back at Merlin in disbelief. “You... a... what? Who?” 

“Doesn’t matter. He is in love with another.” 

“Merlin,” Arthur says, dragging out Merlin’s name the way he does when he’s annoyed at the other man or trying to get him to make a bit of sense. 

“Every single one of these flowers said it.” He picks another flower and plucks a petal. “He loves me,” he says, then picks off another petal. “He loves me not.” He plucks each petal off until he comes to the last one and pinches it between his fingers. “He loves me not.” 

Arthur bursts out laughing. "Are you honestly relying on flowers to give you the answer?" he says, then swallows guiltily when he sees the hurt look on Merlin's face. “Does he know you’re in love with him?” Arthur says, glancing nervously away from the petal fluttering to the ground to meet Merlin’s eyes for a spare second. He should have known better, because Merlin's eyes had a tendency to captivate him and he can’t bring himself to look away from the watery blue eyes looking back at him. 

“I think it’s quite obvious how I feel about him.” 

Arthur stares at the other man. “You didn’t even tell him how you feel, Merlin, did you?” 

“It’s you, you prat!” Merlin shouts, throwing his arms up into the air and sending petals flying. “I’m talking about you!” 

Arthur gapes at him. “What?” 

“You heard me, Arthur, you... you... soggy cabbage brained fool! It’s you I’m in love with and you’re going to marry Gwen one day and I can’t stay here and watch as you-” 

Arthur silences Merlin by turning over and straddling him, using his ears as handholds. They stare back at each other in shock before they both move at the same time, colliding their lips together. Arthur’s head snaps back. “Merlin! Ow!” he says, sucking in his bitten lip. 

“Arthur! You... you can’t just... just kiss me like that. I never said you could kiss me.” Merlin’s eyes are wide and his mouth hangs open in shock. 

“I have wanted you, Merlin, since... since the first time you called me a prat, actually,” he says with a laugh, eyes gleaming as he peers down at Merlin. “I have thought about kissing you, dreamed about it, since that first night after meeting you. I never imagined that you could possibly feel the same way.” 

“What about Gwen?” Merlin says in a whisper, his eyes searching Arthur’s. “You’re supposed to marry her. You need to have a queen and produce an heir, and... and... Arthur?” 

“I know, but we both know she loves Lancelot. She chose him.” Arthur says, his voice gone soft. He runs his sword-calloused fingers over Merlin’s cheekbone with a sad smile. “I want nothing more than to be able to have a life with you, Merlin, to be able to call you mine in front of all of Camelot. To be able to touch you whenever I want,” he says, running his finger over Merlin’s plump bottom lip, “to be able to kiss you whenever I want,” he presses a soft kiss to Merlin’s sharp cheekbone quickly. “To be able to make love to you whenever I want.” 

Arthur can feel Merlin’s heart racing underneath him and he lays his palm over Merlin’s heart to feel as Merlin takes each short, panting breath. His blue eyes are almost completely taken over by black pupils and Arthur grins, satisfied. “Would you like that, Merlin? Me making love to you whenever and wherever I want?” 

Arthur... please,” Merlin says, closing his eyes and fighting to get air into his lungs. “Please...” 

“Please what?” he asks, tracing Merlin’s bottom lip again, his touch light, liking the way it makes Merlin’s eyelids flutter. 

“Kiss me,” Merlin breathes. “Please kiss me.” 

Arthur leans forward to peck Merlin’s lips quickly before pulling away, smiling mischievously. He sits up so that his knee digs into the pile of discarded flower stems. “I want to show you something first.” 

Merlin sighs, exasperated, which makes Arthur chuckle. He reaches over and grabs an orange daisy and hands it to Merlin with a smile. “See what this one says.” 

Merlin stares at the flower before flitting his eyes up to meet Arthur’s. “You’re serious?” 

“Of course I’m serious. See what it says,” Arthur tells him, taking Merlin’s hand in his and pressing the flower into his palm. “This one will tell you the truth.” 

Merlin looks at the flower a moment, mouth agape as he holds his breath, before releasing it shakily and saying, “Fine. Okay. Let’s see what it says. But if it says you don’t love me, Arthur, you never get to kiss me again.” 

Arthur glares at Merlin. “That’s not fair!” He leans down and presses a kiss to Merlin’s lips in defiance. 

“A lot of things aren’t fair, Arthur,” Merlin says when he pulls away, eyes bright. “It doesn’t mean they don’t still happen.” 

Arthur rolls his eyes but watches as Merlin pulls off the first petal. “He loves me,” Merlin says, watching Arthur as he drops the petal to the bright green grass. “He loves me not,” Merlin says, flicking the petal away forcefully. “He loves me,” Merlin looks away from Arthur just long enough to blow the petal away gently. “He loves me not.” Merlin tears the petal in half and drops the split petal to the ground. “He loves me,” Merlin says, pressing a kiss to the petal before setting it on the grass. His breath catches when he sees the remaining petals, counting them, and he plucks the next. “He loves me not,” Merlin whispers, rolling the petal between his fingers. He brings the flower up to his lips and says, “he loves me.” He smiles at Arthur before plucking the final petal off and settling back onto the grass, dropping the limp stem to the ground. He brings the last petal up and rests it on his pink lips, then closes his eyes. 

It takes a moment for it to make sense to Arthur what Merlin’s doing, and when it does, he smiles wide before leaning down and pressing his lips softly to Merlin’s. Merlin parts his lips and Arthur presses his tongue in, feeling the velvety petal as it passes from his tongue to Merlin’s. He feels Merlin smile against his mouth, a full out grin, and Arthur can’t help but smile, too. 

He grabs Merlin’s ears again, his big ears that Arthur has always stared at in disbelief that ears that big can actually exist, and holds onto them so he can deepen their kiss. Merlin wraps his thin arms around Arthur’s waist and pushes up against Arthur, making it impossible for Arthur not to notice Merlin’s hardening cock pressing against his arse. 

“Merlin!” he gasps, and his own half-hard cock hardens even more. Merlin pushes up against him again, grinning as he does so with a mischief twinkle in his eyes. The remaining tears in his eyes slide away. Arthur can’t resist catching them with his lips. 

“Sire,” Merlin murmurs in Arthur’s ear as he’s bent over him. “Your cock is pressing against my navel. Do you want me to do something about that, my lord?” 

The sound of his title on Merlin’s tongue makes a bolt of pleasure race through him. A surprised moan escapes his lips that he would deny ever happening to his grave. He leans back and finds that Merlin is blushing. “Merlin, are you sure?” 

Merlin nods, smiling. He reaches for the laces of Arthur’s trousers and proceeds to undo them. With the flies unlaced, Arthur lays back on the grass and brings his feet in front of him so that they’re at eye-level with Merlin. Merlin, understanding right away, tugs off his boots and chokes. 

“Oh, your feet smell awful!” he says, pressing his nose into his sleeve to avoid the smell. 

“You didn’t make me a bath today, remember? And I've been searching all over for you. They’re not even that bad! Now get these off of me!” 

Merlin laughs and pulls Arthur’s trousers off, then flings them away into the flowers. 

“Your tunic. Take it off,” Arthur says as he works his own quickly off. 

Merlin’s eyes go wide and then he tugs his shirt up and over his head. The laces get caught on one of his ears and Arthur laughs as Merlin has to untangle it. Once he's free of the shirt, Arthur climbs back onto Merlin so that he is straddling his hips and runs his fingers over Merlin’s nipples, making him giggle. “What are you doing?” Merlin laughs, pushing Arthur’s hand away. Arthur ignores the question and leans down to drag his tongue over one of the pink peaks. Merlin stutters a breath and throws his head back with a moan. 

“You’re getting me wet,” Merlin says when he catches his breath. 

Arthur sits back and gapes at him. “I never imagined you would be any good at talking filthy.” 

“What?” Merlin says, looking honestly lost before it dawns on him and he blushes, his ears turning pink. “No! I meant...” he gestures at Arthur’s cock, which is trailing pre-come along Merlin’s stomach. 

Arthur bursts out laughing when he realizes his mistake and Merlin follows suit. His whole body shakes with laughter and it does nothing to help Arthur from making more of a mess. “Sorry,” Arthur says, truly embarrassed. 

“Here, let me take care of it,” Merlin says, gesturing for Arthur to move up. He wraps his arm around Arthur’s waist and pulls him close so that his cock is at Merlin’s lips. He presses his tongue against the tip of Arthur’s cock with a grin. Arthur holds onto Merlin’s ears and watches as Merlin slides his lips around the head and sinks down on him. Seeing Merlin bobbing between his legs, taking him deeper each time he sinks down, has Arthur trembling in seconds. When he feels himself hit the back of Merlin’s throat, he moans and has to force himself not to press himself in further. 

“Merlin!” he gasps and throws his head back when Merlin seals his lips around him and sucks him hard. It’s like nothing Arthur’s ever felt and it’s way too much. He has to push Merlin away, because he doesn’t want it to end this way. It’s far too soon. 

“Arthur?” Merlin says, looking up at Arthur with startled wide blue eyes. He looks lost. “What’s wrong? Was I that bad?” 

Arthur shakes his head and gives a gentle tug to Merlin’s ears. “No. You were too good,” he tells him, “for once,” he adds with a smirk. He runs his hand through Merlin’s thick dark hair. He rolls off Merlin and settles down onto the grass beside him before leaning in to press their lips together softly. He reaches an arm across Merlin as he does. He laughs against Merlin’s lips when what he says sinks in. “I never thought I’d say something like that to you.” 

Merlin thwacks him upside the head and Arthur doesn’t have any time to complain before Merlin is pulling him over on top of him. He wraps his arms around Arthur’s neck and holds him close so he can delve his tongue back into Arthur’s mouth. He pushes his tongue in deep and tangles it with Arthur’s. He kisses Arthur like this until they’re both breathless and grinding against each other. When he eventually pulls away, he nips at the Arthur’s bottom lip and grins at the frown of annoyance on Arthur’s face. He leans back up to press a more gentle kiss against Arthur’s reddened lips, smiling happily. 

He settles back down in the flowers and his smile softens. “Now, are you going to show me just how much you love me?” he says, trying to sound confident, but Arthur can hear the nervousness behind his words, the self-consciousness. 

“I’d like nothing less,” Arthur tells him. He presses his lips to Merlin’s before he starts a trail of kisses down his body, kissing Merlin’s cheekbone, chin, neck, chest, licking Merlin’s nipple to hear his breath stutter before he rains kisses down on Merlin’s ticklish side and then his stomach. He pauses once he reaches the sparse trail leading down to the dark patch of hair and meets Merlin’s eyes before he bends down and presses a kiss to the tip of Merlin’s cock. 

“Arthur!” Merlin gasps, eyes rolling back, and then he’s coming against Arthur’s lips. He shakes beneath him as he moans long and loud for all the world to hear. Arthur collects the come on his tongue and is surprised at the taste of it, but he ignores the salty, bitter taste and sucks Merlin’s cock into his mouth to milk him of everything he has to offer. Merlin jerks and curls his toes as Arthur swirls his tongue over the sensitive head before pulling off. 

“I am so sorry,” Merlin says, looking utterly horrified. “I didn’t mean to ruin everything.” 

“What are you talking about, Merlin? Wasn’t that the point of this?” Arthur says, cupping Merlin’s cheek and running his thumb along a cheekbone to assure him that he wasn’t upset. “I don’t think that ruined anything. If anything, it only made things a little harder,” he says, grinding his achingly hard erection against Merlin’s thigh in demonstration. “I think we won’t have any trouble getting more than just the one out of you. Don’t you agree?” Arthur says, glancing down at Merlin’s already hardening cock. 

“I don’t know if I could take it if it’s anything like that just was,” Merlin says, still struggling for breath, his eyes closing at the thought. Arthur smiles as he sees Merlin’s cock twitch. 

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t think you’re ready,” Arthur tells him. 

Merlin’s blue eyes snap open and find his quickly, and Arthur is entranced by how dark with want they’ve become. “I’m ready, Arthur. Are you?” 

To answer, Arthur surges forward and crashes their lips together. He parts his mouth and delves into Merlin’s with his tongue, pushing in deep to feel the velvet of Merlin’s tongue against his as they swirl together. He reaches down and presses a finger to Merlin’s entrance, opening his eyes to watch Merlin’s reaction. 

Without opening his eyes, Merlin murmurs, “There’s a salve in my pack.” 

Arthur holds himself up with one arm and fumbles into Merlin’s pack in search of the salve, kissing Merlin deep and trying not to collapse on top of him. His hand wraps around the vial and he extracts it from the pack, grinning triumphantly. Merlin rolls his eyes, but he’s blushing bright pink. Arthur uncaps the vial and drizzles the golden liquid onto his fingers. Merlin’s eyes are wide as he watches Arthur bring his finger to his hole and he swallows nervously. “Are you still ready?” 

“Yes,” Merlin nods. His eyes slide closed, his dark lashes fanning across his cheekbones. “I’m ready. Come on, Arthur. I’m ready.” 

Arthur captures Merlin’s lips at the same time he presses his finger slowly inside him. Merlin opens his eyes with a gasp and his fingers dig into Arthur’s back. “Come on, come on...” he mutters, his breath hitching. Arthur works in one finger and then two, and is steadily working in the third when Merlin squeezes his eyes closed, willing for the pain to end and the pleasure to begin. “Come on, Arthur, I’m ready,” Merlin urges, trying to pull Arthur against him. Arthur withdraws his fingers and Merlin’s eyes fly open, their blown pupils causing Arthur’s cock to throb. 

“Okay, okay,” Arthur says. He spills more of the salve onto his hands and tosses the vial aside as he lathers his cock with the slick liquid. He can feel his heartbeat in his cock and he takes a shaky breath before scooting back so that he can fit himself between Merlin’s legs. They butterfly open for him and he guides the tip to Merlin’s hole with a shaking hand. “Okay,” he mutters, “I’m going to now.” 

Merlin’s fingers stop digging into his back and a moment later Merlin is cupping his cheek. “Arthur,” he says softly, “look at me.” Arthur looks up from where he’s holding himself ready and finds Merlin looking at him with gentle blue eyes. “Calm down,” he tells him, brushing his thumb across Arthur’s temple. “No need to rush.” 

Arthur rolls his eyes, but he takes a deep breath anyway before he begins to press inside. He moves slowly and Merlin’s fingers return to press into his back, to help press him in. Merlin breathes a gasp and his eyelids flutter closed when Arthur is finally in to the hilt. 

“Are you hurt?” Arthur asks, keeping still even though his body is shouting at him to ‘move!’ 

Merlin shakes his head, his eyes flickering open. He smiles at Arthur. “I’m okay.” He pulls Arthur down and whispers, “move,” before he kisses him deep. Arthur pulls out slowly and moves back in just as fast, causing Merlin to dig his fingers in harder. “Move, Arthur. Faster,” he murmurs against his lips. 

Arthur pulls back and slides back in just a little faster, out, and then faster still until they have a steady pace going. Arthur’s already on the brink of coming by the time Merlin starts whimpering. 

“Faster,” Merlin urges, digging his heels into the back of Arthur’s thighs. Arthur slams in and Merlin makes a startled gasp. “Do that again!” Arthur hits Merlin’s prostate every third stroke and soon Merlin his clinging onto Arthur for dear life. His cheeks are flushed and his skin is hot. They're both getting sweaty under the rising sun as they move together. 

“Oh Gods! Arthur! I’m going to come, Arthur!” Arthur strikes Merlin’s prostate one more time and Merlin moans long and loud as he comes, his eyes flying open as he spatters both of them with it. He trembles as Arthur slams in once, twice, and then he’s coming deep inside of Merlin, digging his fingers into the grass and the dirt beneath them through the aftershocks. 

Merlin’s head lulls back and Arthur collapses on top of him, smearing their come between them. “Thank you,” Merlin says softly. 

Arthur pushes back so he can see Merlin’s face. “For what?” 

“For finding me.” 

Arthur meets Merlin’s innocent blue eyes and lays back down on top of him, holding him just a little bit tighter. He kisses Merlin’s forehead before whispering, “if you tell anyone that I like cuddling, I will-” 

“Yeah, yeah, put me in the stocks. I know. Now stop talking and kiss me.” Merlin smiles brightly. Arthur thwacks him upside the head before doing just that, always happy to oblige.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time ever writing porn and I wrote it a while back, so I hope it wasn't greatly disappointing. Let me know what you thought of it if you have the time!
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> If you would like to follow me on Tumblr, it's right [ here!](http://whichwolfwins.tumblr.com/)


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